I feel like I'm breaking free from a jail I've been in for the past three years or so. This is the jail of loneliness, the jail of not having a real group of friends with whom I can hang out with. A jail that has made me stronger, that has taught me that I can be alone and survive, but also a jail that has made me more of a recluse, of a person who doesn't need others and actually doesn't really want others. Someone who I'm not.
Back home I always hung out with a bunch of people, the typical group of six or ten high school friends. I moved to Miami and I slowly started changing. I had a group but not as tight as the previous one. And that could only go downhill when I moved to Kansas, Fucking Kansas with a capital F.
Kansas City left me friendless. For a year and a half only one person I could truly call a friend but then again he was married and had two kids, so a bit of a different lifestyle that didn't help much.
So now, out in LA and out of school. I feel for the first time in years I'm breaking out of prison. I am once again starting to become the social person I had been in the past. Yet the anti-social is still in. I still feel the need to be alone, a feeling I force myself to battle, a feeling I can understand and sometimes appreciate but not necessarily want to embrace.
I am not yet the "I" I want to be, but I'm starting to move in that direction.
Back home I always hung out with a bunch of people, the typical group of six or ten high school friends. I moved to Miami and I slowly started changing. I had a group but not as tight as the previous one. And that could only go downhill when I moved to Kansas, Fucking Kansas with a capital F.
Kansas City left me friendless. For a year and a half only one person I could truly call a friend but then again he was married and had two kids, so a bit of a different lifestyle that didn't help much.
So now, out in LA and out of school. I feel for the first time in years I'm breaking out of prison. I am once again starting to become the social person I had been in the past. Yet the anti-social is still in. I still feel the need to be alone, a feeling I force myself to battle, a feeling I can understand and sometimes appreciate but not necessarily want to embrace.
I am not yet the "I" I want to be, but I'm starting to move in that direction.
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