Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ohhhh a week...

Bad me... A week without a post. Well lately I've been kinda busy and feelling great. I finished my current draft of my script, been going to the gym, got some very minor gigs and also had a friend staying over at my place since he just moved to L.A. and needed a place to crash until he could get his own place set.

Of course my own privacy and productivity has gone down since he arrived on Monday, but it's been nice to have someone around to hang out with and have a nice conversation.

After three weeks my ankle is finally starting to feel better, but still not quite recuperated. Hopefully that won't get worse after this Sunday when I plan on going snowboarding with some friends.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

For some I feel one way for some...


Doesn't everyone feel one way or the other every once in a while?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sex...


Sex, what a wonderful activity it can be. Too bad it usually can't last longer than an hour or so. I used to really like doing it with girls that had little to no experience because they would look at me like a master, a god of sorts; but actually not anymore. It got to the point where I felt bored and even annoyed to have to be the teacher. I got to feel that I wanted to be the student.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm a master of ANY sorts, but I obviously have more experience than a virgin or novice. I got to the point of wanting to go out with older or perhaps just more experienced women. Especially after having dated two girls that could never experience orgasms during intercourse, they could only come when masturbating, only thru the clit.

How fun is that? The answer is: Not at all.

I am free from that for now, and hopefully for ever... I need to go to bed... to tired and sleepy to keep on no matter how hard I try... this post makes no sense...

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Procrastination...


Procrastination is a type of behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

For the person procrastinating this may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of personal productivity, the creation of crisis and the disapproval of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments. While it is normal for individuals to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological or physiological disorder.
Source: Wiki


So why do I fuck myself this way and what are my psychological problems that keep me from doing what's important.

I must make some sort of a reward system for myself. If I only had a girl to threaten me with no sex until I get shit done... Note to self: need to find a girl, and one that lives within a 10 mile radius from me!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Somewhere else...


Sorry, I just had to...

From someecards

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Tired of the PC bullshit...

Does anybody else think that the Political Correctness in this country is going way too far?

I mean, it's getting to the point of being ridiculous. As a white hispanic man I have to accept being called "white" or "cracker" or"spic" by a black man. But I go ahead and not specifically say "African American" and most (not all, I can't generalize, but a lot of them) get insulted. But they, within their community call each other niggers?

I mean, look at this asshole:
http://on221.com/2008/02/11/nas-wears-nigger-shirt-to-grammy-awards/

I really don't know who Nas is, and I honestly don't give a rats ass. But come on! Why can they call each other that but if we say it it's so wrong? Why can they call us crackers and feel wronged when called niggas?

I remember once, while getting my MFA in film, I was in screenwriting class and this black classmate brought in his script to do a class reading. So it's all about gangs, and strippers and ho's, and that's fine by me, by all means do a movie about whatever you want. So we sit there and we all get parts assigned to read out loud, all assigned by him, the writer of the piece.

So I get my part and I read it verbatim, and yes you guessed right, my character had to say "nigga" and so I said it. Well, this asshole tried to chew me a new one because I, a white man, said the word "nigga". "Well motherfucka', you wrote the damn word in your own script! What am I supposed to do?", is what I said. So you know what everybody else in the class started doing? They replaced the text, every time the word "nigga" came up they changed it for "ninja".

Sorry, but fuck that.

I refused to do that, and that was the last time he assigned me a part that had that word in it.

Changing stories but not subject. So now we, and by "we" I mean all of humanity, are not supposed to talk about the years Before Christ -B.C. (i.e. the Greeks did this or that in the year 47 B.C.) or Anno Domini -A.D. (Latin for the year of the Lord) --- No... we are now supposed to talk about them as B.C.E. and C.E. (Before Common Era and Common Era respectively). Give me a break, so you're not Catholic and therefore cannot say B.C. or A.D.? So what? Whether you like it or not the Gregorian calendar which is what most of the planet uses is based on the supposed year of Jesus Christ's birth. Don't believe that J.C. is the son of God, that's fine, you don't have to, but at least acknowledge that the dude existed and was in fact an influential person. (I have to say for the sake of making my case stronger, that I am agnostic but I do believe the dude was here and was important --- to me Jesus Christ is the first true hippie, a great man, not a god or the son of one --- and I have no problem into sticking to the truth, this is the year 2008 A.D. because that dude was supposedly born 2008 years ago).

So why are we here, at a point where Political Correctness is ruling how we talk, behave and even think? I don't know, I don't have the answers, but sometimes I feel it's because most people lack the balls to say and think freely and would much rather avoid any type of confrontation. Kinda' sad...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

In pain...

My fat right ankle after soccer last Sunday... Hurting like a mofo.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

What can I do...

What can I do when I feel this unbearable feeling of loneliness, of abandonment. That fact that she has shown no interest of speaking to me for the past ten days or so has proven to be tougher than I expected.

Has she really no interest? Is it possible that she found someone else? Or is it possible that she's doing this for my own good? I will probably never know.

Well... at any rate, I must move on. I have met someone myself. Someone rather interesting and refreshing. I don't really want anything serious right at this moment in my life, but I can say that I at least have a good time with her and truly enjoy her company. So is it serious? No, don't think so, I don't think either one of us wants something serious at the moment. I am just going to enjoy it and see where it goes from here...

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Lost...

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going, and I don't know how or when I am going to get there.

I feel lost and alone in a world full of people that don't seem to be in the same plane of existence as myself.

I am afraid of what the future holds from me, but more so, of what it won't.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Hummm...

Well, she can shove it. I'm tired of this situation for now. Maybe in the future once she's done with school and moves to the States out from under her father's wings, whether it's to NY or LA, maybe then I'll give it another shot. Actually, most likely then. But as of right now, I'm sick of it. She wants me around as a "friend" only to know she has me? Well, screw that! I love her, but I feel I have to love myself as well.

On the other fronts, I started writing my script again and it's going beyond my expectations, so I hope not to start fucking that up. The gym is good as well and just five minutes ago I paid for one of those meal delivery services to try it out. Kinda got tired of the old ham & cheese sandwiches and Campbell's Tomato Soups. They're good but not good enough to have every day. Also, I hope these meals help keeping me healthy and also loose those 17 extra lbs I got around the belly. Isn't that the trick? Diet and exercise? I'll keep it posted here if it works. Right now I'm at 187 lbs and 19 BMI (I'm 5'10" so my ideal weight goal would be around 170 lbs. or 12 BMI).

Gotta get outta here and write my script!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Beat...

If only that assert command would work...

She seems completely over me, and I completely beat. If I only knew then what I know now...

hffff... Mari, if you knew how much I love you and how bad I feel about how it all has turned out.


I miss you my squirrel...

It'll be okay...


Again, from xkcd.com

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Lingering question...


Again from xkcd.com

Breaking free...

I feel like I'm breaking free from a jail I've been in for the past three years or so. This is the jail of loneliness, the jail of not having a real group of friends with whom I can hang out with. A jail that has made me stronger, that has taught me that I can be alone and survive, but also a jail that has made me more of a recluse, of a person who doesn't need others and actually doesn't really want others. Someone who I'm not.

Back home I always hung out with a bunch of people, the typical group of six or ten high school friends. I moved to Miami and I slowly started changing. I had a group but not as tight as the previous one. And that could only go downhill when I moved to Kansas, Fucking Kansas with a capital F.

Kansas City left me friendless. For a year and a half only one person I could truly call a friend but then again he was married and had two kids, so a bit of a different lifestyle that didn't help much.

So now, out in LA and out of school. I feel for the first time in years I'm breaking out of prison. I am once again starting to become the social person I had been in the past. Yet the anti-social is still in. I still feel the need to be alone, a feeling I force myself to battle, a feeling I can understand and sometimes appreciate but not necessarily want to embrace.

I am not yet the "I" I want to be, but I'm starting to move in that direction.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Lost a friend, gained another...

So, yes, Scientology is evil and I have experienced it first hand.

I had these friends, a couple, whom I had been working with for some months and we developed a nice friendship. I really enjoyed hanging out and working with them. Then, about two weeks ago, we were working way out in Lake Arrowhead, and when we went to have lunch, I learned that they are Scientologists.

At first I thought they were pulling my leg. I honestly did, but they weren't. So he, my real friend of the two, wanted to talk about it with me. He wanted to debate on Scientology, explain to me how LRH magically unlocked the secrets of the universe and life. Give me a fucking break.

So we talked about it for about an hour or so, and since neither of us had any source material to back up our statements we decided to keep the debate going later on. So a couple of nights later, I gathered some info, various site links and a ton of Scientology's internal documents that had been leaked by Anonymous (the hacker group) and send them to him with a note I wrote explaining how there really wasn't a point in debating but if he really wanted to learn about his religion he should read those documents.

I haven't heard from him since.

I sent him another email asking if we were OK, sent him a cell phone text message and even called him but never got a response, positive or negative. I was just totally ignored.

The funny thing is how he had preached to me that the best thing about Scientology, the main thing they teach people there is of the importance of communication. Well...? WTF happened then? After three years he's been in the "Church" of Scientology he has still not learned that principal, that which he preached to me? Or is it that it only applies when communicating to another Scientologist? What about forgiveness? Do they not teach forgiveness in Scientology?

I mean HE WANTED TO DEBATE ON IT, and so I did turn in my argument and after that he never wanted to speak or write to me ever again.

I lost a friend because of Scientology.

But I gained another one today, and a friendship I know will last because he's NOT a Scientologist.

Slideshow