Addicted...

I feel like I sometimes sabotage myself. The TV (aka "The Devil") sucks me in with "24" and I can't get away. I've seen 12 episodes of the sixth season in two days, I'm addicted and I need help, I know it. But there's no one here to help me... so I guess I'll just have to finish the remaining 12 episodes to be able to keep going with my normal life.

And yes, Chuck is a pussy next to Jack.



Somebody help me...

Tired...

God I feel tired today. It must be all this excercising that my body is not used to yet. But my eyes have been closing on me since about 5:30pm. Maybe it's the fact that I only slept about five hours last night. I don't know.

But in reality it's not only physically that I feel tired right now. I feel tired with life. My career is at a standstill right now and perhaps I'm a little scared with that. It's an extremely tough and ruthless industry that I have embarked on. Let's see how long I'll last. Hopefully successfully until my last day on earth, which hopefully is many decades away.

I just wanna get my first feature of the ground and not fuck it up. That's what I'm really tired about, tired of feeling scared of success and failure. Of feeling afraid to not live up to my own standards.

And fear cripples people. I can't let it cripple me. I won't let it cripple me.

Severe pain...

My body is in severe pain... Yesterday was my first day with a trainer at the gym. I normally hate gyms but since one of my resolutions for this year was to get fit I think the idea of actually using a gym as opposed to only playing racquetball, might be a good one. The main reason why I need a trainer is because I have no clue of how to use gym equipment to my advantage. I did not know about the number of reps and weight to put on or the speed at which to do said reps. Another reason why I'm paying for a trainer is so that I force myself to not waste that money and actually go to the gym.

Well, I hope it works and doesn't kill me in the process. I guess what I feel now is what I usually call the "good pain", but it's too good right now. Hell, I feel like my body just gave up on me. My arms are completely tired, my pecs hurt if I look at them, and my back is screaming at me: "Stupid! Don't you ever do that to me again!"

I just have to ignore my body's screams because I know it will be good for it in the long run. I just hope I have the stamina for such a run.

Happy and Proud...

I have to say that I, for the first time in a while, feel proud of human kind. An interesting hacker group who call themselves Anonymous has declared war on a "religion" I don't particularly like. I quote that word because I don't even think they should call themselves a religion since they don't believe in any particular god or deity.

According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, the definition of religion is:

religion |riˈlijən|
noun
the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods.

Well, they believe in Thetans, souls from another galaxy. So is it that belief that makes them a religion?

The saddest part is that lately I've spoken to many Scientologists (there I said it, that's the "religion" I've been referring to), but they are clueless to the ideas that base their belief system. As put by some, it is a "bait and switch" tactic. The "Church" of Scientology (damn I'm liking the use of quotation marks in this post) doesn't profess their belief on Lord Xenu and all that, they sucker people in, wait until they have invested way to many years and thousands and thousands of dollars, and then they reveal the truth. Their truth that is, not mine. Their truth the human souls come from distant stars, got here on ships that look like DC8's and were thrown in a volcano.

Granted, most if not all religions have "interesting" ideas like this one. But to believe all of this from a science fiction writer, and a poor one at that, is just too much for me to swallow.

I guess this post does it, I could be in their eyes labeled as an SP, a suppressive person.

This is the message from Anonymous:

Pumped...

I am excited. As most people, when the new year begins one makes resolutions to keep for the year. These are my main two:

1) Get fit! Yesterday I joined a program at my local gym, so not only am I paying for the membership to such gym but I am also paying for a trainer to set up a routine for me. I guess since I'm kinda broke, having spent this money may motivate me towards actually achieving my goals to loose at least 15 lbs.

2) WRITE! I feel like I procrastinate too much on this. So I started this last Monday, waking up really early to go to the Starbucks around the corner to write my script. The reason for going to Starbucks as opposed to staying at home or the other cafe around here (which is definitely better than Starbucks) is that I can't access the internet there, I could if I paid, but I refuse to pay for it. This way I reduce the amount of things that can distract me from my goals.

Two main new years resolutions. How long will they last?

Lonely...

Even though I know my family is just a ring away... even though they call me every single day... I can't help but feel lonely out here in L.A.

I hope this WGA strike ends soon so that people can get back to work... I need a job soon.

Today I went rollerblading at Santa Monica and Venice Beach, and although it was raining it felt great, but not so much the huge blister I now have on my right foot.

Todays comic by Sinfest

I'm not Crying...

So, you’re leaving, aren’t you?
I knew it when you said just then when you told me you were leaving
That’s when I definitely knew
But if you’re trying to break my heart
Your plan is flawed from the start
You can’t break my heart, it’s liquid
It melted when I met you
And as you turn around to leave
Don’t turn back to me
Don’t turn around and see if I’m crying
I’m not crying

I’m not crying
It’s just been raining
on my face
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks
Please, please, don’t tell my mates

I’m not crying
No, I’m not crying
And if I am crying
It’s not because of you
It’s because I’m thinking about a friend of mine who you don’t know who is dying
That’s right, dying

These aren’t tears of sadness because you’re leaving me
I’ve just been cutting onions
I’m making a lasagna
For one
Oh, I’m not crying
Nooo...

There’s just a little bit of dust in my eye
That’s from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
I’m not weeping because you won’t be here to hold my hand
For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland
I’m not upset because you left me this way
My eyes are just a little sweaty today
They’ve been looking around
They’re like searching for you
They’ve been looking for you
Even though I told them not to
These aren’t tears of sadness
They’re tears of joy
I’m just laughing
Ha ha ha-ha ha...

I'm sitting at this table called love
Staring down at the irony of life
How come we’ve reached this fork in the road
And yet it cuts like a knife?

I’m not crying
I’m not crying
I’m not cry-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-ing

Video from HBO & the BEST parody folk duo from New Zealand, the Flight of the Conchords.

Scared...

I feel a bit scared and in awe by the ability and gullibility of some people to believe pretty much anything you can tell them.

I was born without religion as all people are, but raised catholic. Well the older I get, the more scientific and logical I get with age, the more I shun away from all religions. Religion in my eyes, is a good idea fucked up by men. Hence, not good thing anymore.

But even though I feel this way, that it can be a good idea to begin with, I can't understand how some people can fall for a religion invented by a science fiction writer just fifty or so years ago. Really? Is it just that these people have weaker minds? That they have tried every other religion but none have worked? That they truly need a religion, any religion, to feel happy or fulfilled, or complete in life?

Maybe it's a phase in my life, but most likely not. I feel I'm pretty much done with religion.




"All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry."
Edgar Allan Poe

And Ironically, this is Einstein's quote of the day: "There remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion."

I feel accomplished...

I feel accomplished because today I managed to teach my dad several things about the web, including chatting! So now he doesn't have to call me every other minute for the littlest thing! I swear it was getting to be a little annoying, I got the feeling that he was doing it purposely too, I don't know. And maybe someday I will regret ever feeling this way, but now it has increased our work productivity immensely so it is way worth it.

Now, if could only get my mom to learn to chat... hummm sounds like a project. Although it would perhaps be for the opposite effect. I don't talk to her as often. I miss my mom. Yeah, some women are worth having around, but they're still all crazy.

Or so I hope...

Today, dear Randall Munroe said it best with his xkcd comic titled "To Be Wanted"


Apparently we're hoping for the same thing my friend. Thanks for all your comics Randall.

Can anyone REALLY understand them? REALLY?...

I mean, really?

From: http://pichaus.com/badboy-cartoon-bvt@

I want to tear myself out of my skin...

I feel desperate and hopeless just because she didn't contact me in any way throughout the entire day. Could I have lost her forever? The girl that's silly and entertaining on command?

Comic by xkcd.com

Inspired...

I woke up this morning and found this through reddit.com, makes me feel inspired...

Appropriate...

For some reason this feels appropriate now...

Comic from Simulated Comic Product: http://simulatedcomicproduct.com

Hummm... Feeling a bit better today...

It is a new day, maybe a new beginning.  Of what, I don't yet know.  The sun is out and it's a glorious day. 

I spoke to her last night.  For the first time in about a week.  It felt good at times, horrible at others.  But now I feel like there truly is hope; that we'll be together again someday in the not so distant future.  She, of whom I write, is the woman that is even better than the one in my dreams.  A beautiful and sexy little thing I miss dearly but one I will not forget or let get away.  For now maybe, but not for ever.  I just don't see my life with anyone else.  

Some people may think that's a naïve statement, but the fact is that I've dated around quit a bit to know that I had never had a relationship like the one that just ended.  Distance is a bitch, isn't it?  Well I have my heart broken before and I have survived, but I just don't feel like looking for another one anymore.  I feel complete now.  I feel deep inside that I found her.  She might not be perfect, but she's perfect for me.

I love you M.A.C.

Yes... A long day...

Of course, as most people when they start a new year, I feel fat.  So, since I really don't want to be at home right now, I decided to go to do some yoga at my local gym, try and feel a little better.

But I couldn't.

I wrote a letter to this girl, this girl that's broken my heart, a two page letter that I sent to her some days ago.  And still I get no reply.  So I'm in the yoga class, ready to begin, and as we're doing our meditation I can't help but feel extremely depressed.  You see, I learned yoga with her and her family and there I was doing it alone, alone and without her there even emotionally.  She left.  I fought hard to hold my tears in, I fought hard to hold my feelings in and not cry in front of everyone.  I barely did it.  I left the class feeling worse than when I went in.

I hope some day soon I will not feel this way again and start being able to post about the good feelings I can have.

i feel now...

i feel like it's gonna be a long day...

I feel...

I feel like I have been abandoned by the one I love the most...

I feel like she doesn't even care anymore...

I feel like it is all my fault...

I feel very alone...

I feel sad...

I feel...